Pray for Us if You Like

Something interesting happens when people find out that someone has an illness. When they really understand that it’s serious. That it’s stressful and overwhelming. Often, they decide to pray. While it can be a nice gesture, sometimes people don’t understand the harm they may be causing. And it’s not just because the other person might not be religious…

My child has type 1 diabetes, a life-threatening, all-consuming disease that has no cure. Some people find comfort in leaning on their religion for situations like this. I am not a religious person. But I do respect those who are.

However, I’ve noticed some comments that come up over and over again that, I think, need to be addressed.

Pray for him if you like

Understand that he needs to poke his fingers, give himself insulin, and jab himself with devices all the time. His life is pokes and needles. CGM and pump insertions.

Pray that he can be brave and endure the thousands of pokes and injections. That he can handle the marks, rashes, and scars all over his body. Keep him in your prayers. It is appreciated, he knows you’re concerned about him.

But please don’t tell him that if he prays hard enough, he will be cured.

Keep her in your prayers

Know that children with T1D are often singled out because of it. No matter how hard the adults in their life try to fight it, people have misconceptions that they want to hold on to.

Think about her and wish her well. Hope that she won’t encounter bullies because she’s different. That she won’t get kicked off of sports teams because other parents think she’s contagious. Or scolded at school for missing too much class time due to treating highs and lows. It’s great that you care and you are thinking about her.

But please don’t tell her that everything is happening to her for a reason.

Pray for their parents

Consider how scared they must be, knowing that the very thing that is keeping their child alive could also kill them. That, as thankful they are for insulin, they know it can also be extremely dangerous.

They worry about their child dying during the night. They barely sleep because they’re monitoring their child’s blood glucose levels every day. All day and all night. They’re lugging around supplies and snacks, calculating everything their child eats, and paying attention to everything they do, to try to keep them safe. Go ahead and pray for them. It’s wonderful that you want to show them compassion.

But please don’t tell them that God won’t give them more than they can handle.

Pray for us if you like

It is said that people with T1D and their caregivers make an average of 180 extra decisions every day. Between insulin, food, activity, mental health, self-care… the list goes on… it’s a lot to handle.

We’re stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted. T1D is so complex and sometimes it feels like no matter what we do, we will always come up short. This disease is frustrating, maddening, scary, and full of grief. It is very challenging to do the job of an organ. Not to mention the mental health toll that it takes. If you pray, that seems like it’s worth praying for. That shows empathy and kindness.

But please don’t tell us that it’ll all work out how it’s supposed to because it must be God’s plan.

Here’s the thing

“Thoughts and prayers”, “I’m thinking of you”, and “sending good vibes” are all well and good. They show that the person is on your mind.

But, they don’t do anything. And honestly, some of the clichés that people say, religious and secular alike, can make the person on the receiving end feel guilty and insignificant. That’s probably not what you’re going for.

Telling someone that if they had been a better Christian…

If they had prayed harder, they wouldn’t be in a bad situation… that doesn’t show concern or kindness.

It’s placing blame on the person. And while no one even knows what causes T1D, or how to avoid it, many people who are diagnosed with T1D already have feelings of guilt. Most people go through “what ifs” in their minds. What if they had done this or that differently, would they, or their child, still have been diagnosed with T1D?

There’s no need to add another reason to the pile. They have enough doubts and feelings of guilt already.

Telling someone that it’s God’s will…

It doesn’t matter how you say it… God has a plan, when God closes a door he opens a window, or God won’t give you more than you can handle… that doesn’t show caring, compassion, or empathy.

It’s dismissive of the person’s situation and their feelings about it. T1D is already lonely. No one understands it and many people don’t seem to care to. These platitudes don’t come across the way you likely want them to. You’re just showing the person that they can add you to the list of people who don’t get it and don’t care.

So, pray for us if you like

But if you really, truly want to show kindness, caring, and compassion, do something as well.

Sit with us and listen when we’re having a hard time. Ask questions instead of offering shallow advice. Offer assistance. Learn about T1D. Brainstorm how to help the person get more sleep, feel more connected, and reduce stress.

Because while I’m sure prayers and good vibes aren’t going to harm anyone, what we really need, what we truly need, is a friend who can walk this journey with us… and sleep.

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