The silent killer, the invisible disease… living with a chronic illness sucks. I think it sucks mostly because of how we are perceived by others. While we live with our disease and its symptoms daily, our loved ones do not. They wake up each day feeling fine and go about their business as we struggle to even wake up and face each day.
Will it be a good day?
Probably not.
For those of us who are sick, the reality of each day consists of pain, tiredness, headaches, nerve damage, numbness, blurry vision, depression, excessive thirst, insomnia, aching feet, wounds that won’t heal, poking ourselves with needles or lancets up to fifteen times per day, or the guilt of not poking yourself fifteen times per day.
The bleakest thing of all is knowing that there is no cure and every single day will be just like this.
In fact, inevitably every day will eventually be worse than the last.
As we get older, the disease takes a drastic toll on our bodies and starts to affect our organs diminishing them and causing even more intolerable symptoms as if we didn’t already have enough.
For me the future is scary.
The reality and likelihood that I will have a limb amputated or that I will go blind scares the crap out of me.
Our loved ones do love us. There is just no way they can comprehend what we really go through or how we really feel inside.
They expect us to work, cook, clean, parent, and be there for them.
They expect us to get up bright and early and carry on just as they do.
After all, I know my husband didn’t sign up for this. He thought he was marrying a healthy woman.
Diabetics try to get up and do as our spouses do, but with a huge elephant on our backs.
Some days the elephant is much heavier than other days. It’s so difficult to wash dishes with an elephant on your back.
Most days I am angry and depressed that this is my life. But the opposite thought is what prompted me to write this.
Enough is enough.
While I would like to have my loved ones be more understanding, I also know that I have got to realize that all parties must come to an end.
The pity party, party of one, is over.
I have to accept my disease along with my life.
I have to accept that there will be some days harder than others.
I have to accept that my doctors do not have all of the answers and that there are no magic pills out there to take it all away.
I have to accept that no one understands how much I hurt every day except those living with the same conditions.
It’s really time to love my life.
It’s time to buck up and accept all that I have to do to care for myself.
I really need to learn to be selfish enough to take care of myself FIRST.
Then, everything should fall into place and I will be able to take care of everyone else as expected. Right?
One of these days, I may not be able to walk…so I better get to walking!
One of these days I might not be able to see, so I better get to seeing all of the sights I want to see!
I guess we are all dying….but the key is to LIVE while we are alive!
Love Molly
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